Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Cowboy Rules

This has been making the rounds lately, thought I would pass it along.

Cowboy rules for Arizona, Texas, Colorado, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, and the rest of the wild west are as follows:

1) Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2) Turn your cap right, your head aint crooked.

3) Lets get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want too. No matter how slow you drive, your going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4) They are cattle, that is why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 and I-40 go east and west, I-15 and I-25 go north and south. Pick one and go.

5) So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have 250,000combines that are only driven three weeks a year.

6) every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7) If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/ doves are comin' in during the hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you dont have it up to your ear at the time.

8) Yeah, we eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9)The 'Opener' refers to the first day of dear season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10) We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11)No, there is no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

12) When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup! Oh, yeah...We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat. It ain't real chili!

13)You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown,wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14)College and High School football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a darn sight more fun to watch.

15) Yeah, we have golf courses. but dont hit the water hazards, it spooks the fish.

16) Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1.

1 comment:

Mike W. said...

Does rule # 1 still apply if you're Robb Allen?

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